Did you know that I'm about as well-mannered as Animal? Well, did you?

Now that I know this about myself I have set on the path of correcting it. It would seem that there are things called manners and in the South they know tons about them.

For example, here are some things that my rude and ill-behaved parents forgot to teach me:

1. pass the salt and pepper shakers together
2. Do not order alcoholic beverages as drinking too much when dining out is one of the most disliked behaviors
3. Do not smoke when dining out it may be offensive to others
4. You should only leave the table for an emergency, however if you must leave simply excuse yourself

To my friends, co-workers, neighbors, countrymen: Please accept these, my sincerest apologies. Had I known that I was such an unkempt pig I would have taken steps to right my behavior. You see before you (or you very soon will!) a changed young lady.

the preceding was extracted from the owner of this diary under coersion and is not to be taken into account or even seriously. details will follow on cnn.com as the story unfolds.